September 25 , 2004 - Thrashing About
I've spend a lot of time today thinking about action research, researching on the Internet, and reflecting on my new position. What is my role? How will I "practice" my new role? Where do I fit in? What do I need to do? How can I use my action research to support me in my role and improve how I perform? Hmmmmm.....This led me to spend a lot of time thinking about what it is exactly that I'm suppose to be doing. I am filling a dual role in this position and perhaps that is what is causing me to not see clearly. As noted in my discussion board postings, I have spend the majority of my career as a classroom teacher--one who has always lead the way to new methods and practices. I have found myself focusing my ARP toward teaching in this new role. But, perhaps that's the wrong focus. My true role, the reason why I was hired, was to bring technology to this division and provide them with guidance, resources, methods etc for the staff. When I look at the job from this perspective, my role is really that of leadership. In some school districts this is person would be called a Technology Coordinator or Technology Director or something similar. With that in mind, my ARP should probably be focused on something related to my role as a leader and how technology can be used by the staff to improve their own practice. Am I passionate about technology leadership? Yes! It's one of the reasons that I changed positions--my desire to provide new vision, new methods, new changes. So, if I should pick something that I am passionate about then technology leadership would be a plus. What do I want to do with my life? I want to be a great technology leader for my organization, one who moves the organization foward, strives to bring about reform, and develops new and innovative programs that make a difference for the students we serve. Interestingly enough, it these goals don't necessarily have to be technology-involved. That's my passion. Now, how do I transform that into an ARP?
I distract myself from my purpose because I know that I'd like to publish or present whatever it is that I do. This may be influencing what I'm selecting. I have found myself, from time to time, rejecting an idea because I think that wouldn't be something that I could publish. I need to stop doing that because I may be "killing" an idea before it has time to develop. To be truthful, all of the ideas that I've listed in the discussion group will be goals and objectives that I'll work on this year and in the years to come.
This is all so frustrating. One moment my idea is crystal clear and I'm excited because I've got it and I can feel the passion. The next moment it slips aways and I'm not as clear on the path I want to take. While I am frustrated through this process I know that it's a good thing for me. I call it thrashing about and I've learned from experience that from it comes great things, great ideas, great visions. That doesn't make it any less painful, just worth it when the final result comes in. The question remains....how long before I emerge from the thrashing with a plan?